A LOVE LIKE THIS!

God has a purpose and position in all of our lives. Whether we embrace it or not, he is still present. Lately, I have been struggling with defining my relationship with God. How should I categorize it? Should it stand alone or be bunched with every other relationship. I notice how i put emphasis and importance on my relationship with my boyfriend or my relationship with my parents. I always find the time to place it before everything else. I am always loyal and loving in these relationships. Kind of like marriage.

In Blue Like Jazz, Miller addresses a relationship with God as a relationship with your spouse. Like a better half or that one that you love unconditionally. WOW!! I never thought of my relationship with God as a relationship with a spouse. I am married to God. He is always there for me when ever I need him, he loves me no matter what, picks me up at my worst moments, and knows me better than any one else!!! Through the readings, I have learned that God should always be put first. Nothing should come before him. Miller has gave me a better understanding of God's place in my life. So many times, I have failed to realize the importance of establishing a strong relationship with the Lord. At times I catch myself putting God's relationship last, thinking that there will always be a chance to strengthen the bond. But it won't! I have to take advantage of his love now!!!!!!!!!!!! Man's love is temporary but God's love is FOREVER!!!!!

Blue Like Jazz

To be completely honest, when I realized that we had to read another book, I was a little upset. However, Blue Like Jazz has drawn me in completely. I love the book so far. The way the author writes is a new style to because it seems as if he is right in front of you. Like I am having general conversation with him and I have been knowing him for years. His style of writing is very conversational! I really enjoy that. So far, compared to the other writings, this is my favorite.

Something that stood out to me in his writings was the way he explained the way he lied as a kid. I never truly payed attention to that, but I think that we all have lied that way...some still do:). I never really thought about our little white lies that in depth. Miller really makes me notice little things about myself and humans as a whole. I am genuinely looking forward to reading the rest of this book.

Project Update

Since my lats project update, I feel like I have made a lot of progress. My last project update was mostly ideas and a general outline of what I wanted to execute. However, now I have put my words to work. I have interviewed a lady at the YWCA over the domestic violence program. The interview provided me with great footage and a better understanding. I have not been able to interview the family member that endured domestic violence due to conflicting schedules. However, I plan to do that over Easter break. I have also been able to research general information on the topic.

As far as an idea or set display of how I am going to present my project has came to a standstill. At first, I wanted to make a video but, considering the fact that I don't have much time I have to think quick. I think I am going to settle with a speech with a visual display..like a video of my family member.

LIVING BY THE STRUGGLE...WILL THERE BE BETTER DAYS??

Living by the struggle is something that is always associated with Christians. We endure so much and stay so faithful towards God...why hasn't he made a way?? It took a long time for me to understand and grasp this, however something truly clicked for me when I read the required readings for Neumark. The story of Amanda made the statement plain and clear. I am one that can relate to Amanda's story in some way. Amanda was a female that lived and breathed poverty. It seemed as if every time she was picked up or restored she was knocked on her feet. Her welfare checks kept being stolen from her. If it wasn't from a stranger it was from a family member. I am one that can relate to this story. Amanda reminds me of my mother. My mother is a very strong willed individual but had to live by poverty. My family struggled throughout life and did everything she could to make ends meet. Like Amanda, our family was on welfare. And like Amanda, it seemed like every time she got back on her feet she was knocked down again. Like Amanda, there were those situations that my mother felt like there was no way out! However, with all faith in God, nothing was put on her that she could not bare. I see this in Amanda and it makes me understand that struggles are a test. A test that is either pass or fail. So many times Christians tend to only praise God when things are going your way or he finally brings you through a problem. But, its amazing to see the things that he will do if we continue to put faith in him no matter what! Living by the struggle is our exam of life...to see who is worthy of living eternal life in the kingdom of heaven!!

My Breathing Space

Neumark has truly captured my undivided attention every time I read a passage from the book. I find myself becoming more and more indulged in the reading. Something that grabs my attention every single time is the personal accounts. The true stories about the struggles that each individual that crosses her path goes through makes this book more personable. Honestly, her teachings and the way she cares for others reminds me of my deceased pastor. He was thee sweetest individual and never looked down on another. Both of them have something truly inspirational in common. With every person that they come in contact with, they learn something new. Both of them may have learned a life lesson or a eye opener about the atmosphere that surrounds them. However, each time they learn something new! I long to be that way! God places individuals in your life for a bigger purpose. I never truly understood that until I began to read this book. Also, you learn something great through others struggles!! WOW! that's a really powerful concept because I never really paid attention to it! Neumark doesn't seem like a common person to me! She reveals herself as a unique individual. I find it intriguing how she reveals the real life struggles that we face everyday. Through her writings, I realize that injustice surrounds our every move. It surrounds every aspect of our lives. We may find injustice within ourselves or within others. Its hard to accept that injustice has become apart of everyday life, but Neumark makes that evident. Her stories remind me of this after school program where my mother works. When I go to visit, all I encounter is injustice. The children are mostly African American and all display a form of injustice that has either been taught or observed by them. Its hard to shallow a real dose of reality! The fact is that the cycle of injustice is starting with the young! Neumark's stories of the struggles that the young children in the South Bronx battle with are real! I don't know...I feel as if her book is becoming one of my favorites and a true eye opener. I really look forward to finishing this book and learning something new about myself and my surroundings.

Desire for CHANGE

As I completed the readings for Friday, some pieces that I read in King's writings remained in my thoughts! Even as I moved on to Heschel.

"We were taking the black young men who had been crippled by our society and sending them eight thousand miles away to guarantee liberties in Southeast Asia which they had not found in southwest Georgia and east Harlem. And so we have been repeatedly faced with the cruel irony of watching Negro and white boys on TV screens as they kill and die together for a nation that has been unable to seat them together in the same schools. We watch them in brutal solidarity burning the huts of a poor village, but we realize that they would never live on the same block in Detroit. I could not be silent in the face of such cruel manipulation of the poor."

Will we continue to be silent!!!??? This quote truly reminds me of the tribulation the United States is facing today. A pointless war as many would say. As I read this it open my eyes to see how silent and accepting our country has been. So many young men and women are suffering from the repercussions of pledging "honor" to their wonderful country by fighting in Iraq. This quote truly hit home for me. I currently have a cousin that is fighting in the war. His family is stationed in Texas and he is in Iraq. He joined the army with intention of being able to gain all expense paid higher learning, since his parents would never have the opportunity to pay for his college education. He never knew that his intentions and dreams would be shattered into fighting in an unjust war with no meaning. I haven't seen my cousin since I was in the 10th grade due to this war. I have heard many stories from his mother about the brutality and horrid sights he has experienced and seen. We terribly miss him. But all we can do is wait.....wait for him to return because he is fighting for our land of opportunities.

It is funny how history continues to repeat itself. It seems apparent to me that the war in Iraq is a close relative of the Vietnam War. They both resemble and have striking features and characteristics. WHEN WILL WE STAND AGAINST IT!! Our countries motives are so backstabbing to their own citizens. Injustice lives all around us! It breathes in us and is apart of our everyday lives. King states in this account that justice is indivisible. So true! But for it to be able to withstand division we must band together and fight it! I challenge myself and all others to do something different. To stand up for something that you believe is completely wrong and unethical!! It can be a huge or small action but I desire change! We all desire change.

FINAL PROJECT UPDATE...

After receiving comments from Dr. Holt and Dr. LaLonde, I have decided to take their direction for my project. I am still focusing on the issue of domestic violence; however my approach is going to be a little more direct. The issue of domestic violence hits home for me. It has affected myself and loved ones. At first, I wanted to avoid the personal connection, but now I am going to use it as my main theme. I feel that my personal connection will dictate and shape the project. I am going to conduct my project as more of an informational video or PowerPoint. I want to provide details and helping information about domestic violence but also examine how and is justice being served. I am going to interview the individual in my family that endured the violence and families members that it affected. To back up the issue and provide educational information from an organization, I plan to interview and visit the YWCA. They are widely known and I feel that this will make the issue more relatable and draw my audience in. If time permits, I plan to visit other organizations that provide guidance and care for victims.
Honestly, the steps that I have taken towards achieving my desired final product have been minimal. The only steps I have begun are brainstorm and decide on a concrete game plan for the project. It is a little upsetting to know that I have not started putting in the time needed for this project. However, now that I know the exact direction that I am going towards it will be easier to beginning.
The only challenges that I am facing is organization. I want to achieve so much and I feel like I need to set a solid outline for my project. It’s tough because there is so much information out there that needs to be stated, however I don’t think that time will permit me to state every detail. I know for sure that I will need you guy’s guidance and insight on what I need to do next. Also, in some way I want to tie in my fellow classmates or Belmont in some way. How do I go about doing that? My ideas were maybe a survey or poll about what they know about domestic violence, do they know anyone that went or is going through it, and was or is justice being served?

To Do List:
Meeting with Dr. LaLonde and Dr. Holt
Construct a general outline for presentation and paper
Contact the YWCA before this week ends
Contact the individuals I plan to interview----personal connection
Belmont Connection?????
Research general information on domestic violence, as far as what it is etc.
Begin interviewing
Start constructing the display for the presentation
Start constructing paper
Continue working on project
Eventually put in the final touches
Proof Project
Submit
** I WANT TO BE DONE WITH MY PROJECT BEFORE APRIL 20th**

Cashing the CHECK that came back as INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!

"America has given the Negro people a bad check; a check which has come back marked 'insufficient funds'. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice."

The "I Have A Dream" speech has always been identified as that ice breaking moment for African American history. We commonly hear that King's dream is being achieved through barriers that Obama has broken! But has the check been cashed? Are we finally viewed as equals amongst the majority!? Has our insufficient funds been reversed to sufficient funds? Can we say that the division of white and black opportunity diminished? Can we stand by our biological equal and receive the same kindness and respect??? Has there been a change?

Through the eyes of a young African American female, the moment has not occurred! We continue to break barriers and prove our equality instead of inferiority to the majority! BUT the thoughts, snickers, and reality of the division has not changed! Has justice been served? I can say it partially has because on pen and paper everything seems equal! We are repeatedly told that we are all equivalent! That we all have the same opportunity and chance! But as I observe the world around me, the disgusting truth still lives on! It breaks my heart to acknowledge reality! It hurts to see that the world has not changed! It may be concealed and kept in private but the generational cycle continues to spin on!!!!

I read this speech with a sense of realization about my surroundings but optimism about my future! This speech provides me with strength and a means to push forward. So many incidents around me concerning my fellow brothers and sisters not recognizing where we have came from! But I take this speech as a challenge! As a test to receive and accept my difference but embrace it! To live up to what I want to be and fight for what is right! To look for injustice and correct it! To be the pure definition of justice!!! I read this speech with the mindset of receiving the check and cashing it! Not only for myself, but for the world to see that like King, I have a dream! A dream that may seem blurry now but obtainable!

WAR???

Is there a such thing as A JUST WAR or JUST A WAR? A war that has a purpose that constitutes peace and positive outcomes or a war that exhibits negativity without a definite meaning. After reading the articles, it has kind of cornered me into a unsure mindset. Learning more about A JUST WAR makes me realize some things about the world that we live in. From the articles, I have came to the conclusion that A JUST WAR is hard to achieve. Is it realistic? Maybe, but hard to look forward to. People always think in a state of revenge and getting back at others instead of acknowledging who and what is being hurt. Our world is filled with JUST A WAR...people tend to acknowledge and fend towards wars that have no substance or ground. I have grown to realize that the pacifist mindset of A JUST WAR is a little far fecthed and hard to achieve. But if we impliment simple rules and guidelines of the pacifist view..WAR would amount to much more than destruction.

Inspiration within a FIGHTER

Fight! Fight means to strive vigorously and resolutely. When in doubt never give up. To continue to push for what one values or believes in! To stand and trust in what is right. Dorothy Day is a true fighter. An inspiration of pure encouragement. She is the divine example of love, value, and trust for the Lord. She displays the sometimes hard to accept fact that living and leading a life the right way, in the eyes of God, is tough. However, it is possible. A wise man once told me that when one decides to give their life over to Christ, to be a fighter for his love, and to life their day to day life in the image of him is easier said than done. He told me with re dedication comes trial and tribulation. But, as a FIGHTER for the Lord we must stay grounded! I truly believe that and throughout the entire memoir, Day displayed it! The road is truly straight and narrow...many may say that its not cut out for everyone..BUT it can be done!!! Day provided me with hope! In a way, a relief that everything will be alright! Day's memoir made me realize the bigger picture. Everyday I have been told to trust in the Lord and he will guide your footsteps. Or I have been told that the Lord doesn't put more on you that you can't bare. I never believed or even attempted to use this sort of thinking as a way to make me a stronger fighter. But, Day made the saying come to life! She made it realistic and true! She provided that extra push that I need to truly take steps to display and live the life of a fighter!

Trusting in GOD...NO MATTER WHAT

Day's book seems to give me that spiritual fulfillment that I need. Every required reading hits a idea, problem, or issue that I have struggled with. Putting all my trust in God is something that I have had a hard time doing. When things happen, I want to think about what should of happened or how I can change it. Day acknowledges that fact that God has a plan for each individual and the that God wont put more on us that we cant bear!!! WOW!! Only if I can look at life in that perspective. At times it is so hard to try to think of the positivity in a negative situation. Also to realize that God has an ultimate purpose of things happening. IT WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER IN THE LONG RUN!! God has an plan for each individual. I feel that I truly believe that. The more I learn about Day's struggles to get closer to him; the more I fall in love with GOD!!! His love is so undeniable!!! Therefore, I must put all my trust in him so that he will order my footsteps, and guide the way!!!

PROJECT PROSPECTUS

So, I totally forgot to blog this last night like Dr. LaLonde told me, but anyway I have a couple of ideas about my project. I have always had an interest in justice pertaining to uplifting female empowerment. Females go through so many issues but justice is never met. When analyzing justice being severed for females, I want to focus on domestic violence. My idea is to find out how has justice been severed in the eyes of these females that escaped the violence. Or if it was ever met!! Also, their definition of justice. I plan to go to a Women Home or Shelter for women that suffered this violence. I plan to construct a documentary. Hopefully, it all goes through but I need a little guidance. Where do I find a Home for Women? How should I conduct this project?

A Story That Hit Home

After reading chapter one of the Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day, I felt like her personal story was addressed just for me! Her story of growing up in a home where religion was absent and finding it one her own was amazing! Unlike Day, I was introduced to religion in my home. I knew what it was and had no reason to steer away from it! However, I did! I had to find my way alone! My parents never pushed me to be fully involved with Christianity. I could choose my own path. Day is on that chose her own path without that extra push. I admire and aspire to be that way. I am stong in my faith by myself, without the push. Day is an example that being grounded in faith is possible! This beginning was something that truly hit home for me!!! I get over joyed when I read stories about ones struggles and growing closer to God! It gives me a sense of hope and pride!

On a side not something that was interesting to me was the confessions. I am not Catholic so learning how that works was intriguing. Personally, I would not feel comfortable with sharing my sins with others because I would feel as if I am being judged. But reading how Catholics handled that was eye opening.

INDIVIDUAL FAITH??

First, I am going to start off with Heschel!! The book is a little hard to understand. I stayed one one page for about 20 minutes reading it over and over again. I feel that this novel will have to grow on me!! I think that it will be beneficial because I always wondered about the life of a prophet!! and the information that was given in chapter one was intriguing!!! Never knew that the prophet life would be so gloomy and alone!!!...But understanding his writing style will be a challenge....can wait to see the outcome....

After reading Shane's book, it made me rethink my faith and direction. In terms of Christianity as a whole, my views have changes. The book opened up a wider aspect and vision for my direction of Christianity. I take the religion seriously. Reading the book, his presentation of Christianity and desire to serve became contagious. All of could think about was changing my life to follow God's direction. Shane confirmed that when in doubt God will lead the way. Not only that but gave me inspiration to give to others. His book also caused me to analyze Christianity in America. Growing up in a Christian home, all I knew was God. I had no choice. I remember how simple church was growing up before the advancements in technology. Shane's examples of how churches are changing brought sadness and hit home!!! My church is changing and becoming more materialized!! I wasn't going to include this part but I think that what I encountered should be heard!!! Yesterday night, a spiritual dance group that I am involved in had practice for a performance. We usually use the audio system in the sanctuary to practice but the system was down. So we used a radio for practice. The radio needed batteries, so we went to ask our pastor. His exact words were....every ministry provides their own equipment but if you need batteries you can BUY them from the church!! They are 3 dollars a pack!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!! I was so shocked!! It was not a joke!! He was serious!! I felt as if my heart sunk in my chest and I had to leave!!! Thinking of what he said, I immediately thought of Shane and his perspectives of churches "changing"!!!!! This incident made me think about everything else in church that occurs that is ungodly!! My church sells DVDs and Cd's for 3 and 5 dollars a piece!! Instead of giving food to others that need it they sell it!!!! SO HUNGRY FOR MONEY!!! When will it stop? When will it end? Immediately, I consider going to my pastor but I am afraid I will offend him so I back off!!!! Later that night, me not standing up for what is right is ALL I can think about!! I am just adding to the trend not stopping it!!! Is my faith weaker than I thought?? Is God disappointed in me for not standing for him??? And how can I answer to him when I know it is wrong but I continue to go on like everything is right???? I NEVER would have even realized the actions of my church without reading this book. This book is a eye opener for me and ALL. i think that every church should have a copy because there is a individual relation for everyone implanted in the book!!! I pray that Christians will change!! I pray that my church will change!! I pray that the world will change!! Because as each individual relationship with God crumbles....the whole faith diminishes!!!! Can anyone relate??